Tales of Dunderia - Session 1

Welcome to Tales of Dunderia!

I saw a hashtag on Twitter and fell down a rabbit hole.  #BrOSR.  A dude named Jeffro played AD&D in 2020 using RAW (Rules as Written).  All the rules.  Even the hard and weird ones.  And… fun crazy stuff started emerging.  I am not an elite GM (gamemaster), and my players are not elite…yet!  But I’m taking a swing on trying this stuff to see what happens. 

I’m using a system called ACKS (Adventurer Conqueror King System).  I’m committing to 1:1 time (each day that passes away from the table in the real world also passes in the game world), No Rule Zero (the one where you just make up stuff because you are the gamemaster), and Patron Play (assign real people the important NPCs to see what they do outside of the table). 

We’re a bunch of Dads who play once a month, and even then, not everyone can make it to each session.  We are used to 5e and DND Beyond.  I need to go with whoever shows up and still have fun.  I also don't want to have to remember the gamestate from when we paused two months ago when everyone was there.  It’s either: only play one-shots, or this, so let’s roll.  I’m starting off in trouble, as I don’t have ACKS entirely down, nor the module B2 The Keep on the Borderlands, but it’s time to throw dice so here we go.  Want to come along, dear reader?

Session 1 – ACKS – Keep on the Borderlands – Dec 29

    The Players’ Characters, meaning the two people who are played by my players who were there this night: Paul and John.  Everyone else with dialog was badly acted by me as the GM.

·         Randolph, son of Mandolph (no relation to Macho), a Level 1 Mage

·         Joel Osteen, a Level 1 Cleric (no relation to persons living, dead or undead.)

Kris Aspen, Bard will not be appearing in tonight’s episode, nor will Legolorenzo Llamaslas, Elven Spellsword.

Hot Water at the KEEP!

    The party shares rumors on the road leading up to the Keep.  A quick roll on the rumor table.

JOEL OSTEEN: “’Bree-yark!’” is goblin language for “’we surrender!’”

          RANDOLPH, SON OF MANDOLPH: “No it isn’t.”

    Randolph rolled a 17 for Intelligence y’all.  He speaks goblin.  Randolph rolls on the rumor table.

RANDOLPH, SON OF MANDOLPH: “Beware of treachery from within the party.”

    They narrow eyes at each other.

    As they approach the gate to the Keep, a Man-at-arms shouts down for them to give their names and state their business.  Why are they there?  This stumps the players.  They answer with their names.  Joel Osteen proclaims, “I was born an hour ago?”  Randolph professes a hunger for learning (remember how smart he is?).  The man at arms asks if they be Lawful men.  They say yes and are admitted.  Inside the gate, the Corporal of the watch, flanked by two more Men-at-arms and a Scribe grouchily informs them they need to stow their blades and unstring any bows.  “Surely you would not deny an old man his walking stick?” says Randolph, who is also an hour old.  The scribe writes their names down.

JOEL OSTEEN: “Who do you worship here?”

CORPORAL: “Ammonar.”

JOEL OSTEEN: “Yes but who do you really worship?” Joel gives the eyebrows.  The Corporal stiffens.

CORPORAL: “What are you implying?”

JOEL OSTEEN: “Only that in my travels I have noted that men are not always what they seem, my son.”

The Corporal nods to the Scribe who makes a mark next to Joel’s name on the list.  One man at arms runs to one of the gate’s flanking towers, apparently with a message.

RANDOLPH: “Who is the smartest person in this Keep?”

CORPORAL: “Well, obviously you are!” Scribe and remaining man-at-arms chuckle.

RANDOLPH: “But if I wanted to have a learned conversation with someone?”

CORPORAL: “The Priest is always up for talking.”

RANDOLPH: “Who else is smart?”

CORPORAL: “The Castellan is a very smart man.”

RANDOLPH: “Is he though?”  The Corporal bristles.

CORPORAL: “Nobody around here would say that he isn’t.”  This is meant as a warning.

RANDOLPH: “I see.” He nods in a knowing way putting his finger aside his nose.

          CORPORAL: “What I mean is anyone suggesting otherwise will not do well here.” 

He nods at the scribe who puts a check next to Randolph’s name as well. The first man-at-arms has just opened the door at the base of the tower and the second gets his eye and points to Randolph.  He turns around and goes back in.

Randolph heads straight to the Tavern, while Joel makes a beeline to the Priest’s Apartments.  An unspeaking acolyte admits Joel, shows him to a table and pours him a mug of ale.  Joel smiles at him and tells him he doesn’t drink but would like an audience with the Priest.  He hears heavy footsteps coming down the creaking stairs, but instead of a portly man coming around the corner, an absolute CHAD appears, barrel chested, delts like pumpkins visible even through his shapeless brown robes.  Only now does Joel notice the armor stand with shield and mace in the corner.

Now here’s the thing about Keep on the Borderlands: nobody and nothing gets a name.  Corporal, Keep, Borderlands, Priest.  So at this moment my players announce the Priest is Brother Francis (Chan).  Joel absolutely GRILLS the man about the gods.  Luckily I had my copy of the Auran Primer and I could quickly tell him their names.  Joel’s player writes each one down, then asks about the Chaos gods.  Bro Francis doesn’t much like to talk about them.  He affirms he loves the Lawful gods.  Joel presses and gets two names out of him.  The Priest indicates he believes there is a Shadowed Sinkhole of Evil in the Caves of Chaos that is causing the problem and insists on coming along if the party wants to find the Caves and sort it out.

Meanwhile, Randolph enters the Tavern, and it’s hopping with about ten patrons.  He looks over the menu and orders “Hot water.”  That one made my brain go on pause.  You have to realize, I’m not really familiar with the rules or the module and I’m flipping back and forth in both books trying to answer a stream of questions.  I was just not ready for someone to go into a bar and not only order the only free beverage, but in its most labor-intensive form.

Luckily, I don’t have to come up with a reaction.  In ACKS I can roll on a reaction table, modified by his Charisma.  It came up Neutral.  So, the Barkeep’s in my boat.  He just stares at Randolph.  Randolph looks over the menu and sees that Bark Tea is one silver piece.  So, he orders that, without the bark, and slides over his 1 sp.  The Barkeep just looks at a Serving Wench and says, “Bark tea, hold the bark.”

Randolph takes his mug to the Aragorn booth in the corner and sprinkles a big pinch of dark tea leaves into it from a secret pouch in his cloak.  Looking around he sees a Dwarf eating by themself and asks to join, saying he’s interested in adventure.  He rolls a 3 on the reaction table and it goes all Thorin in the Prancing Pony before Gandalf showed up.  The Dwarf reaches for an axe and Randolph backs off. From a table behind him Randolph hears a slightly slurred voice yell, “Did you say adventure? Pull up a chair!”  There are four capable looking men drinking at the table.  Randolph picks up two more rolls on the rumor table chatting with them:  there are hordes of tiny dogmen in the lower caves, and lizard men live in the marshes.  A man named Gerrold investigates Randolph’s mug.

GERROLD: “What are you drinking?  Looks strong!”

RANDOLPH: “It is.”

            GERROLD (to Barkeep): “I’ll have what he’s having!”

The Barkeep is just shaking his head.  Randolph decides to hire them as henchmen, and I desperately flip around in the rule book for a while trying to remember how that works.  They ask for 6gp per week and 20% share in the treasure.  Randolph counters with 2 gp/week and the 20%.  Roll reaction…they accept!  So, I roll stats for the Henchmen and poor Gerrold gets a 4 for Intelligence.  Right about this point the Serving Wench delivers his hot water and he takes a sip.  “I don’t get it” he says.

Randolph has 5 henchmen and a desire to go find the little dogmen.  Joel Osteen has a Brother Francis and two Acolytes who will come along for free, so it looks like adventure is afoot!  Having finished his conversation with Brother Francis a bit before Randolph’s negotiating, Joel Osteen starts street preaching and asking for alms.  He is feeling a little underpowered, being a level 1 Cleric with no spells yet.  He rolls a lousy reaction for his street ministry and only winds up with 8 copper pieces for his trouble, I guess being brand new to town, and not even having an alms box makes him look sus (my daughter hates it when I say sus).  “Great!” his player exclaims, “so I’m just a beggar!”  He prays to Ammonar, and rolls a 4.  Ammonar helps those who help themselves.  I ask if he wants to go to the chapel to donate his 8 copper pieces and he elects to keep them.  Randolph joins him and tells him about the henchmen.  He tells Randolph about the Clerics and it looks like a right warband!  They spend the next two hours renting a cart and two mules, buying supplies.  Hydration is a big deal in ACKS so they buy a barrel, but Randolph wants to take it to the tavern and ask them to fill it with hot water.

A Heroic Departure!

So everyone is ready and they march out!  Marching order is:

1.      Unnamed as yet Henchmen 1&2
2.      Henchmen 3 & 4
3.      Brother Francis and Silent Acolyte 1
4.      Silent Acolyte 2 and Gerrold
5.      Joel and Randolph riding in the cart.

    Joel notices the Acolytes haven’t said a word this whole time.  Brother Francis waves the question away indicating that they have taken a vow of silence.

    “What god would demand that?” asks an incredulous Randolph, totally putting the DM on the spot.

                BROTHER FRANCIS: “Irestes.  Before they can progess in the order, they need to prove that they can put the self second.”

                RANDOLPH: “I always talk!”

                BROTHER FRANCIS: “Perhaps it would be good for your soul if you kept your silence for a while.”

    Randolph glowers while Joel Osteen makes, “Oh BURN!” faces.  Gerrold will not stop talking to Acolyte 2 who cannot respond.  He has also named one mule “Doug,” and its mate, “Ovva Doug.”

    Okay, so they don’t know where the Caves of Chaos are, and there are amazing things to find in this adventure, but NOT if you just stay on the road…which is what they did.  3 hours in they hit a wandering monster encounter.  It comes up a Giant Rattlesnake.

•                 Roll for surprise, neither side is surprised.
•                 Roll for distance, 100 yards away.
•                 Roll for reaction, the snake is indifferent.

    It will probably let the party pass.  The whole time Joel has been praying to Ammonar for guidance and the location of the Caves of Chaos.  His player has just announced that he is praying and then rolls a D20.  I’m not sure how that works rules-wise.  Sounds like a Contact Higher Plane spell to me, but he doesn’t have one yet.  But he doesn’t ask, just states he’s praying and rolls a d20.  Luckily, he has been rolling 4’s and 5’s so I don’t have to be tested on the Rule of Cool thing yet.  Ammonar has been silent.  So out of sheer boredom, Joel charges the snake, and Gerrold gets caught up in the moment and goes with him.  Here’s another GM fail, I hadn’t understood the entry for the snakes on the first reading and realized that there were actually…rolls d4…4 Giant Snakes instead of one.  I also prolonged this whole encounter.  These snakes save as a level 2 fighter, so I had to flip back to that section, and the table that indicates what they hit on, based on their HD was in another section as well.  So this definitely went slower than it would have in the hands of an elite GM as I page back and forth in the book.

    Irregardless!  We got there. Joel smacks the first one for 4 hp, and Gerrold misses.  Randolph casts a spell, and a Spectral Owl flies over the three other Giant Rattlers, putting them to sleep.  The awake snake bites Gerrold for 4 hp and he fails his poison save.  Gerrold will die of poison in 4 turns (40 minutes).  The snake strikes at Joel, but just gets a mouthful of shield.  An Acolyte kills it, while the Henchpeople slit the throats of the sleeping snakes.  Sleep spell is brutal in ACKS.  

    Randolph immediately forages for herbs using his Alchemy proficiency (remember, he’s smart).  He gets an amazing roll and finds the exact things he needs.  Gerrold has half an hour to live.  Randolph wants to make a potion right then and there and rolls well.  

    And…I hesitate.  I don’t know how this works in ACKS.  I’ve been on the spot all night, and I feel like all I do is flip around in the rulebook or module while everyone else just waits.  I’m committed to the rules, but in this instance, I just, I allow it.  Don’t call it rule of cool, call it rule of fool.  Forgive me Jeffro! (although even he has had this experiance). So, Gerrold’s life is saved, but it’s into the wagon for him, and a week of bed rest if he makes it home.  Nothing else happens for the next 2 hours of travel and they make camp for the night at 7:30 PM.

    Joel’s player announces that the GM believes in science more than God, since his prayers have repeatedly been unheard while Randolph is finding herbs and curing poison.  See!  When players are taking their cues from the actual game, the rules matter!  Rule ofcooling leaves them wondering what’s in the GM’s head instead of what’s in the rulebook.  I shouldn’t have allowed it.  Gerrold should be a corpse.

    They travel all the next day, keeping to the road without encounter until 3:40 PM.  The Priest tells them that the Caves of Chaos feel near. They decide to break from the road and enter the forest to the North.  They wanted to leave the two Acolytes with Gerrold and the Dougs (mules, in case you forgot) to guard the wagon, but Brother Francis won’t hear of it, he needs them with him.  Randolph asks, “can they cast spells?”  Umm not without speaking they can’t.  So Hench 1 and 2 stay with Gerrold, having suddenly been named Harold and Garold.

The Caves of Chaos at Last!

    So, the party bushwacks through the woods until coming into a steep ravine dotted with caves.  Remembering the rumor about the little dog-people Randolph guides them into cave A.  There is a 2 in 6 chance that 8 Kobolds will attack from hiding as they enter the cave… they do not.  But there’s another problem.  The cave is not lit.  About ten feet in it gets dim, and beyond that it is dark.  Anybody got a lantern?  A torch?  They do not (I blame 5e's Darkvision for this oversight).  They spent 2 hours buying supplies and not a single torch was purchased. Does Randolph know Light?  He does not.  The GM is not elite, but neither are the players… yet.  Here in Dunderia, we embrace a growth mindset.

    Joel prays to Ammonar for guidance…rolls an 8.  Brother Francis does know Light though, says so on page 9 of the module.  He holds his mace aloft, mutters a soft prayer to Ammonar, and the mace head begins to glow.  Joel glowers at him, and Randolph’s player throws back his head with laughter.  In we go.  I hand Joel’s player a sheet of grid paper and he starts mapping the cave based on my descriptions.

Marching Order:

1.        Francis and Joel
2.        Acolytes 1& 2
3.        Henchies 1 & 2
4.        Randolph

30 feet in there is a 10’ deep pit trap that will dump the first people in line on a 3 in 6 chance…it does not.  There is a 1 in 6 chance the second row will drop…they do not.  They go down the hall and turn right at a T intersection, coming upon a kobold guard room.  Francis’s night-light mace means that the kobolds cannot be surprised, and the party succeeds their surprise check.  It’s weapons out boys! 

Randolph hangs back.  Francis, Joel and all the Henchies run in.  Kobolds have 1HD, but the six of them all roll beefy and it’s a fight.  They are throwing spears, the light is swinging around like crazy as Francis swings away at them.  Joel and Francis take damage, so do the kobolds, but everyone is still up.  Randolph stands indecisively. 

Next round Francis whiffs, Joel scores a hit with his plain-old, non-glowy mace, and the Kobolds really lay into Francis Joel and an Acolyte with their short swords. Finally, Randolph acts, lamenting the loss of his only spell for the day, and the silent Owl glides through the room.  Every kobold, but one 8 hp guy go to bed.  At this point Noob GM remembers that one kobold was supposed to run and warn the others, so the tough one retreats, screaming his li’l head off.  Joel hits him for 5 hp on the way past, but he gets away.

Disaster!

The party rolls the sleeping kobolds for 23 sp and the acolytes go to kill them in their sleep when suddenly, the Light goes out!  Joel is struck on the back of the head and goes unconscious.  Randolph hears other thumps and bodily collapses and runs in the dark.  He avoids striking any walls in the blackness due to a stellar memory (remember how smart?) but finally triggers the pit trap and falls in taking damage and hearing the trap door shut ten feet overhead.  He is left alone with his thoughts in the dark, remembering the rumor he heard on the way to the Keep.

2 hours later…

    Harold, Garold and Gerrold arrive, wondering where everyone is. Gerrold has a candle (even the dumb guy brought something!).  They follow the party’s tracks into Cave A and hear Randolph’s cries.  “What you doing froo vuh floor?!” Gerrold would like to know.

    Following Randolph’s instructions, they open the pit trap and haul him out, but they hear kobold footsteps coming from the right, and from the left, something else skitters.  So, they hightail it through the woods.  Gerrold is exhausted and lays back down on the wagon, “I still don’t feel good.”  Doug and Other Doug start pulling to get the wagon as far from the Caves of Chaos as they can when night falls.

Aftermath:

• Joel Osteen – prayers unanswered, unconscious, alive?
• Randolph son of Mandolph – On the road with Harold Garold and Gerrold.
• XP 240 from Giant Rattlers, 30 from 6 kobolds
• Treasure – 23 silver pieces

In-world time:  Thursday, December 29, noon – Friday December 30 7:00 pm.

The players have been asked what they will do this week in their predicaments.

I have invited the first two patrons to the game, to take on the roles of Brother Francis and the Kobold Chief.

More to come.